We were really lucky to have such healthy babies. All three were able to room in with me immediately, and all three took to breastfeeding like little rock stars. Believe it or not, I had a doula. Unfortunately, because of space constraints, she wasn't able to come into the OR. That, and I told her to hang out until we got closer to delivery and then suddenly they were rolling me in to push. It all happened so fast she didn't have time to get there. But, she was waiting for us when we got back to our room. She helped get the babies latched for the first time, and took some pictures for us. Seriously, if you're expecting and haven't considered a doula, get one. I had a wonderful doula when I had Charlotte, and knew with the triplets I wanted one again. She offered so much input while we were preparing for delivery, it was nice to have another birth junkie to bounce things off of and get a second opinion that wasn't emotionally involved.
Thankfully visitors were limited that first day. I felt great, better than I had honestly expected, but emotionally I was still overwhelmed.
The two big sisters got to come up and meet the babies on Wednesday.
Speaking of recovery...a few have asked why I hated my epidural so much. So I will elaborate here.
I will never get another epidural. The recovery from that itself was horrible and I would rather handle the pain of labor than deal with the 6 days of pain (that yes, I asked for pain medicine for because motrin was not cutting it. That bad!) and then another few days of continued soreness. Not to mention my back where it was placed was so sore, it hurt when anything touched it. Two deliveries without it, I will pass next time.
Anyway, we were pretty confident that the babies would be discharged with us. They were all doing so well. The nurses thought so as well. They made sure to get the babies their car seat challenges so we would be ready when the time came. And then it didn't.
Most babies lose weight at birth. Actually, they all do. For a breastfed baby it is normal to lose 10% of their body weight. But, the pediatrician didn't seem to think them losing weight was normal at all. So much so, she sent in two different lactation consultants to watch me feed the babies and see how they did. Both lactation consultants said the babies latched amazing and were eating like champs! At that point my milk hadn't come in yet, but we were able to hear audible gulps and visualize swallows. Everyone seemed satisfied except the pediatrician.
Then we were told the babies weren't regulating their temperature. Our room was freezing, so clearly the babies were going to be cold. Even the nurses commented that the bassinets were cold, and the rooms weren't very well regulated with temperature because it would always fluctuate so much. We'll get back to this.
As the babies continued to lose weight, the pediatrician said we needed to supplement with formula. Thankfully, I had some milk frozen at home, and our amazing lactation consultant pushed for me. She suggested use of an SNS, and spent the entire day working with me and feeding babies to help me get used to doing it.
The babies seemed to have a fluctuating temp, but then their weights seemed to stop declining. Our goal day to go home wasn't happening, but it was only pushed back to make sure babies stayed stable. I was so confused because it seemed one doctor was keeping us from home, even after she told me NICU said they didn't need to be there. (Friday) I spoke with a nurse and asked if there was another attending that I could speak with. She said she would see what she could do.
An hour later, the pediatrician comes in with another doctor and tells me the babies need to go to NICU for their temperature and they would be in temperate controlled isolettes. (The plastic cribs you see that kind of look like boxes.) My husband had gone home to see our other children and I had no idea what to say. So I said well okay I guess, if you feel the need. I felt cornered, and I felt like I was being punished for asking for a second opinion for my seemingly healthy babies.
When they left the room, I heard the pediatrician chuckle and say "Well that went better than I thought, I figured she would argue with me." You'd think, considering our conversation had been at the door since they had caught me coming from the bathroom, she would wait until she was out of earshot since she knew I was standing by the door. This is where I broke down the first time.
Her resident came in, who saw I was clearly upset over out conversation. She hugged me and told me they just didn't want to send anyone home and miss an issue. She reassured me all the nurses were taking good care of us, and were even wearing the SNS in the nursery just for us. (A few times they wouldn't bring the babies in because they needed to be under the warmers, and some nurses even argued that I couldn't do skin to skin with them because they were too cold. I think they should go back to nursing school, and I certainly hope they weren't giving the babies formula and that is why they were going longer periods between feeds.)
So they came for the babies, and we were left to wait. After 2 hours, and the return of my husband, we decided we were the parents and they were our babies and we were going to their room. Once we got there we weren't sure what exactly the hold up was considering everyone was set up...IN OPEN CRIBS. Maybe someone forgot about us. I was shocked to see they weren't in their baby jails like I had been told. Relieved, but curious what had changed. I learned that night that they were not admitted for temperature issues but for "failure to thrive". Glad someone told me.
So, we kept track of feedings, and diapers. I was told they were eating enough and their output was fine. They were sleepy at breast, and even during feedings, but I was reassured that this was just because they were preemie. Their billirubin levels were climbing a bit, as high as 13 but I was told they were fine under 15, we just needed to keep them fed.
All night I worked feeding them, at breast with the SNS. My nurse was awful. She was nice, but spent the entire night "concerned" because I was going to make myself sick nursing all three and maybe I just couldn't do it. I should just give them bottles and go to bed, the nurses would take care of them. I repeatedly declined, despite her constant "concern".
The next morning, I was again cornered. My husband was gone, and a doctor came in. He introduced himself, then the first thing he said was "We have a problem." Instantly my heart sank. He told me the boys were dehydrated and were getting IVs. I was told I had no choice. He said there were three options...bottles, NG tube, or IV but I wasn't getting those options, they were getting IVs because *I* had let them get dehydrated. He asked me why I did not give them formula, and what my plans were going home. He told me I couldn't possibly feed all three by breast, and that was why they were dehydrated. He added her didn't know anything about breastfeeding and breastfed babies, so I probably knew more about that than him when I told him other moms had nursed their triplets and I wouldn't be the first. He also said they were going under the phototherapy lights because they were jaundice and at extreme levels (which was still 13, so this left me again confused. Different doctors, different opinions I suppose). Our little girl was okay- for now. And apparently ONLY because she is a girl and they do better.
The boys got their IVs and were placed under the lights. I still nursed them all, despite my struggle with the SNS. Some babies were fed by finger so I could rest, and I pumped round the clock to keep up while supplementing with donor milk to ensure we were filling them. They were taking all their feeds.
The next day, another nurse told me she couldn't do the SNS because in all her years she had never seen them used. I gave up, despite the fact they were taking their feeds with the SNS and at breast, I decided to give them bottles. I just wanted out. Yet another doctor came in, where we learned that Addisyn had lost more weight (not sure why she stabilized then suddenly lost almost 2 ounces in 24 hours, especially when they were taking their SNS feeds per their minimum ML amount (20-25ML per feed)). I told her she couldn't put an IV in Addisyn, we were giving her a bottle. She asked why I hadn't done that with the boys instead of an IV, because the IV really wasn't necessary if I was open to a bottle. Well, Doctor, I wasn't given the option!! She was actually incredibly nice, very easy to talk to, and addressed all my concerns. We decided to fortify my pumped milk so that they would gain faster (and go home sooner).
Things went well. We force fed them basically, stuffing as much milk as we could each feeding. They gained, and they were discharged after 8 days. I later found out that the nurses had been tiptoeing around my feelings and hadn't told me the babies output was bad or suggested bottles because they didn't want to hurt me. I felt very betrayed by people who were supposed to help me. The SNS frustrated me, and I lost focus on actually nursing them and put all my focus on getting them to eat from the stupid little tube. I think that was a huge contributing factor, and had they just let me breastfeed I think we would've been alright. I should've been told they weren't having good output. Someone should have said, "This isn't working, we need to try something else." Instead I was bullied. I know some might say I should've just given them bottles in the first place. And I will explain later why I didn't and fought so hard to not do so. This post is long enough. :)
Naturally once we gave them bottles everyone was happy (the doctors anyway) and they got to come home 2 days sooner than they originally told us. Needless to say, it was a happy jailbreak! Looking back I regret not questioning more, and not just agreeing to things because I thought I had to. It's unlike me to falter like that, especially when it comes to my children. I guess being overwhelmed and exhausted I was off my game. I left not feeling confident, but very defeated. I wish I could remember the names of the nurses who did support me, so I could send them a nice thank you. As for the doctors and nurses who were nothing but negative, I hope other moms who are wary of their breastfeeding journey do not have to deal with them. I think had I been a first time mom, I would've given up.
Looking back though, I wouldn't have done a thing differently with the knowledge I had at the time. I wouldn't have given them formula, and I fought hard. The only thing that made me give them bottles was being faced with IVs from doctors who admittedly didn't know anything about breastfeeding and who weren't supportive. I fought hard for breastfeeding, but didn't fight hard enough for answers and my own voice. I still don't have all the answers from that week, but it doesn't matter anymore. Because guess what, they are thriving, and I AM feeding all of them. No bottles, just breast.
Thankfully visitors were limited that first day. I felt great, better than I had honestly expected, but emotionally I was still overwhelmed.
Daddy and all his babies
Pawpaw and the trio
Grandma holding all three
The two big sisters got to come up and meet the babies on Wednesday.
Speaking of recovery...a few have asked why I hated my epidural so much. So I will elaborate here.
I will never get another epidural. The recovery from that itself was horrible and I would rather handle the pain of labor than deal with the 6 days of pain (that yes, I asked for pain medicine for because motrin was not cutting it. That bad!) and then another few days of continued soreness. Not to mention my back where it was placed was so sore, it hurt when anything touched it. Two deliveries without it, I will pass next time.
Anyway, we were pretty confident that the babies would be discharged with us. They were all doing so well. The nurses thought so as well. They made sure to get the babies their car seat challenges so we would be ready when the time came. And then it didn't.
Most babies lose weight at birth. Actually, they all do. For a breastfed baby it is normal to lose 10% of their body weight. But, the pediatrician didn't seem to think them losing weight was normal at all. So much so, she sent in two different lactation consultants to watch me feed the babies and see how they did. Both lactation consultants said the babies latched amazing and were eating like champs! At that point my milk hadn't come in yet, but we were able to hear audible gulps and visualize swallows. Everyone seemed satisfied except the pediatrician.
Then we were told the babies weren't regulating their temperature. Our room was freezing, so clearly the babies were going to be cold. Even the nurses commented that the bassinets were cold, and the rooms weren't very well regulated with temperature because it would always fluctuate so much. We'll get back to this.
As the babies continued to lose weight, the pediatrician said we needed to supplement with formula. Thankfully, I had some milk frozen at home, and our amazing lactation consultant pushed for me. She suggested use of an SNS, and spent the entire day working with me and feeding babies to help me get used to doing it.
Daddy helped with feeds with the SNS
The babies seemed to have a fluctuating temp, but then their weights seemed to stop declining. Our goal day to go home wasn't happening, but it was only pushed back to make sure babies stayed stable. I was so confused because it seemed one doctor was keeping us from home, even after she told me NICU said they didn't need to be there. (Friday) I spoke with a nurse and asked if there was another attending that I could speak with. She said she would see what she could do.
An hour later, the pediatrician comes in with another doctor and tells me the babies need to go to NICU for their temperature and they would be in temperate controlled isolettes. (The plastic cribs you see that kind of look like boxes.) My husband had gone home to see our other children and I had no idea what to say. So I said well okay I guess, if you feel the need. I felt cornered, and I felt like I was being punished for asking for a second opinion for my seemingly healthy babies.
When they left the room, I heard the pediatrician chuckle and say "Well that went better than I thought, I figured she would argue with me." You'd think, considering our conversation had been at the door since they had caught me coming from the bathroom, she would wait until she was out of earshot since she knew I was standing by the door. This is where I broke down the first time.
Her resident came in, who saw I was clearly upset over out conversation. She hugged me and told me they just didn't want to send anyone home and miss an issue. She reassured me all the nurses were taking good care of us, and were even wearing the SNS in the nursery just for us. (A few times they wouldn't bring the babies in because they needed to be under the warmers, and some nurses even argued that I couldn't do skin to skin with them because they were too cold. I think they should go back to nursing school, and I certainly hope they weren't giving the babies formula and that is why they were going longer periods between feeds.)
So they came for the babies, and we were left to wait. After 2 hours, and the return of my husband, we decided we were the parents and they were our babies and we were going to their room. Once we got there we weren't sure what exactly the hold up was considering everyone was set up...IN OPEN CRIBS. Maybe someone forgot about us. I was shocked to see they weren't in their baby jails like I had been told. Relieved, but curious what had changed. I learned that night that they were not admitted for temperature issues but for "failure to thrive". Glad someone told me.
So, we kept track of feedings, and diapers. I was told they were eating enough and their output was fine. They were sleepy at breast, and even during feedings, but I was reassured that this was just because they were preemie. Their billirubin levels were climbing a bit, as high as 13 but I was told they were fine under 15, we just needed to keep them fed.
Grandma got in on the SNS fun as well.
All night I worked feeding them, at breast with the SNS. My nurse was awful. She was nice, but spent the entire night "concerned" because I was going to make myself sick nursing all three and maybe I just couldn't do it. I should just give them bottles and go to bed, the nurses would take care of them. I repeatedly declined, despite her constant "concern".
The next morning, I was again cornered. My husband was gone, and a doctor came in. He introduced himself, then the first thing he said was "We have a problem." Instantly my heart sank. He told me the boys were dehydrated and were getting IVs. I was told I had no choice. He said there were three options...bottles, NG tube, or IV but I wasn't getting those options, they were getting IVs because *I* had let them get dehydrated. He asked me why I did not give them formula, and what my plans were going home. He told me I couldn't possibly feed all three by breast, and that was why they were dehydrated. He added her didn't know anything about breastfeeding and breastfed babies, so I probably knew more about that than him when I told him other moms had nursed their triplets and I wouldn't be the first. He also said they were going under the phototherapy lights because they were jaundice and at extreme levels (which was still 13, so this left me again confused. Different doctors, different opinions I suppose). Our little girl was okay- for now. And apparently ONLY because she is a girl and they do better.
The boys got their IVs and were placed under the lights. I still nursed them all, despite my struggle with the SNS. Some babies were fed by finger so I could rest, and I pumped round the clock to keep up while supplementing with donor milk to ensure we were filling them. They were taking all their feeds.
Our room at night, like a party, but not...
Connor under his lights
Bentley, who wouldn't hold still.
The next day, another nurse told me she couldn't do the SNS because in all her years she had never seen them used. I gave up, despite the fact they were taking their feeds with the SNS and at breast, I decided to give them bottles. I just wanted out. Yet another doctor came in, where we learned that Addisyn had lost more weight (not sure why she stabilized then suddenly lost almost 2 ounces in 24 hours, especially when they were taking their SNS feeds per their minimum ML amount (20-25ML per feed)). I told her she couldn't put an IV in Addisyn, we were giving her a bottle. She asked why I hadn't done that with the boys instead of an IV, because the IV really wasn't necessary if I was open to a bottle. Well, Doctor, I wasn't given the option!! She was actually incredibly nice, very easy to talk to, and addressed all my concerns. We decided to fortify my pumped milk so that they would gain faster (and go home sooner).
Bentley got the first bottle from daddy.
Things went well. We force fed them basically, stuffing as much milk as we could each feeding. They gained, and they were discharged after 8 days. I later found out that the nurses had been tiptoeing around my feelings and hadn't told me the babies output was bad or suggested bottles because they didn't want to hurt me. I felt very betrayed by people who were supposed to help me. The SNS frustrated me, and I lost focus on actually nursing them and put all my focus on getting them to eat from the stupid little tube. I think that was a huge contributing factor, and had they just let me breastfeed I think we would've been alright. I should've been told they weren't having good output. Someone should have said, "This isn't working, we need to try something else." Instead I was bullied. I know some might say I should've just given them bottles in the first place. And I will explain later why I didn't and fought so hard to not do so. This post is long enough. :)
Little Bentley-Man
Connor thinks the hospital is boring, so does mommy.
Sleepy Babies, do you know who is who?
Addisyn found her fingers
Sweet Diva
Naturally once we gave them bottles everyone was happy (the doctors anyway) and they got to come home 2 days sooner than they originally told us. Needless to say, it was a happy jailbreak! Looking back I regret not questioning more, and not just agreeing to things because I thought I had to. It's unlike me to falter like that, especially when it comes to my children. I guess being overwhelmed and exhausted I was off my game. I left not feeling confident, but very defeated. I wish I could remember the names of the nurses who did support me, so I could send them a nice thank you. As for the doctors and nurses who were nothing but negative, I hope other moms who are wary of their breastfeeding journey do not have to deal with them. I think had I been a first time mom, I would've given up.
Looking back though, I wouldn't have done a thing differently with the knowledge I had at the time. I wouldn't have given them formula, and I fought hard. The only thing that made me give them bottles was being faced with IVs from doctors who admittedly didn't know anything about breastfeeding and who weren't supportive. I fought hard for breastfeeding, but didn't fight hard enough for answers and my own voice. I still don't have all the answers from that week, but it doesn't matter anymore. Because guess what, they are thriving, and I AM feeding all of them. No bottles, just breast.
Going home!
All ready in their seats
Reunited, and it feels so goooood.
Boys came off their wires first, so daddy took advantage of holding them both together.
We are home! Big sister was so excited to have everyone home and together!
It is really horrible when doctors gang up on you, especially when you are all alone! After I had my daughter (whose birth was fabulous and uncomplicated, but she was born 36 hrs after my water broke), a couple of pediatricians were talking to my husband while I napped. They wanted to keep us two extra nights, even though everyone was healthy. They came in to talk to me after my husband had gone home to be with our son - there were like four doctors ganging up on me, with nobody else there to help defend me and my baby! They threatened that if we tried to leave early we would do so AMA. After my awesome midwife literally cussed out the pediatric department head, the doctors came back kissing my butt and telling me I must have misunderstood them. I wish medical folks would give patients a chance to trust their own instincts regarding their health and that of their children.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you and your babies were treated poorly. I am glad everyone is home safe now!