Adventures in Breastfeeding

**Warning, Blog Contains Breastfeeding Pictures. Proceed at own risk ;)

Pumping suck. There, I said it. I knew I would have to do some pumping, but I didn't think I would be doing this much. It makes me feel bad for cows, really. And not only does pumping suck, but so do bottles, and the mountain of them I seemed to be buried by every single day.

I call this my bag of tricks ;)

So I somehow got stuck in this downward spiral, and while my birth was about as close to perfect as I could have envisioned, our breastfeeding journey has not been. I know it's unrealistic to have this perfect image in your head and it actually happen, but we are getting there... it just didn't happen right away.

I had lovely babies with great latches from the beginning. Yes, sometimes we had to fix a shallow latch, but they were preemies. And for them being early, we were all amazed they wanted to latch and they wanted to breastfeed, despite their sleepiness. 

 Sometimes, you have to cuddle one and feed another.

Most have likely read about our NICU journey, and I want to elaborate on why I was so adamant about not giving the babies bottles. Bottles, especially in the NICU with the way they feed babies, essentially force feed babies. They aim to fill their little bellies and then some. The bottles require little work for a baby and it just kind of drips in their mouth. And they just eat and eat. It is so easy to overfill a baby with a bottle. And bottles kill breastfeeding.

It seems now most lactation consultants and articles agree that babies don't experience nipple confusion, but more nipple preference. When baby is at breast, they have to work for their food. It doesn't just come out. So, would you want to just lay there while food drips in your mouth or would you want to work for it? Exactly. 

So our babies got bottles, because we wanted out of the hospital. And because I was terrified of going back, they continued to get bottles until we could get them older and less sleepy so I could ensure they would thrive and be able to eat. Switching away from bottles is hard, and how to go about it depends on the person. 

At first, I was advised to pick a baby and just nurse that one baby until it was really good at it. So I tried that, and it just didn't work. Too many babies crying and too much hassle. So, I decided to do all three at breast as many times as I could. I ended up giving them a few bottles. But with the help of local consultants I at least knew they were transferring milk from me decently (I went and we weighed them before a feed, then they ate and we weighed them right after to see what they gained and that would indicate what they ate). 

Then I went crazy.

And we got rid of the bottles cold turkey. 

In the 3-4 days of this, the babies have received 2 bottles. That's only because they were inconsolable and putting them at breast wasn't helping. So, because I don't starve my babies I caved and gave them a bottle. And I cried while I did it because I felt like a failure. Then the next time they were hungry, they nursed, and I realized that one bottle didn't make me a failure. It made me a mom who has to remember that I can't do it all, and I can't let my three babies cry. I'm doing the best I can. Although I really do think I can do everything on my own with no help and yet somehow maintain my sanity. 

And yes, I do thank the wonderful doctors at the hospital for giving me this headache and pushing bottles on me. Because had the babies never known the joy of bottles, they wouldn't fight working so hard to breastfeed. Thankfully, they don't fight every feeding. It seems just here and there they don't want to do it. We will get there. 

Mommy's sweet reward, milk dribble and baby in a milk coma

Our life has been full of pumping, shelves full of pumped milk and prepared bottles (that leave no room in the fridge for anything else.), donor milk when I needed to catch up, and sleepless nights trying to feed all three with breast and bottle. It's work to keep up my supply. But I think we are finally getting back to where we need to be, and where we started. Where we should have been all along. 

 Sweet cuddles and waiting our turn

I learned a lot through this experience...

Women don't stop breastfeeding because it hurts too much. They don't stop because it's hard and time consuming, and requires a lot of work from both baby and mom. They don't give up because of low supply, and needing to supplement, or because they can't do it.

Women give up breastfeeding because they don't have support. They don't have a cheer team. They don't have someone to lift them up when it gets hard.

So, here are my suggestions to moms, from my experience this far.

If you have a baby in the NICU or hospital, and they are pushing you to bottle feed...make them give you transfer weights. Make them weigh that baby, let you feed that baby, and weigh them again. That is a HUGE regret I have, not making them do this for me. Because had I know what babies were actually taking it could have provided a lot of insight. And it also would have given me power of knowledge to defend myself and my babies.

Also, if they pull the "sucking at the breast wastes calories" but then shove a pacifier in their mouth, please question their knowledge on anything. Really, because nursing will eventually produce milk while that pacifier isn't going to give anything but it will "waste their calories".

Pump. It sucks. But do it. Don't say, oh it won't hurt to skip a feed. It will. Maybe not if you have just one. But if you have multiples, you will regret not pumping. It's all about supply and demand, and when you have more than one baby, you need to make sure your giving your body that demand. Stay one step ahead of the game, or the babies needs.

Find a lactation consultant and make her your best friend. She will be your biggest cheerleader. I lucked out, and met some wonderful lactation consultants, including one who is the grandma of triplets. She is blunt and honest, but her advice works. And she cheers me on, and reminds me that I am doing what I was told couldn't be done. (Plus, they know a lot and when you need latch help or baby screaming their head off help they are willing to do it. They want you to succeed, go to them.)

Speaking of support, remind your family and friends that it is so important they give it to you. Asking when your going to give your baby formula won't help. And neither will someone telling you to "Just give them a bottle". You need someone who is going to ask you if they can bring you a glass of water while you nurse, or hold a blanket in public while you learn how to latch that baby discreetly. Demand that support, and eliminate anyone who won't offer it. 

Don't be afraid to feed your baby!! If you're out shopping and baby wants to eat, feed your baby. If you're in the middle of vacuuming, stop and feed your baby. The rest of the world can wait, but your baby is only little for a short time and they need you in that moment.

If you got steroid shots, don't be alarmed when your milk doesn't come in right away. Steroid shots can delay milk production, and it is totally normal. They probably didn't tell you that side effect. Ultimately, the shots have their purpose and I don't think not getting them because it could delay milk production is a smart idea. They are a good thing, despite that sucky side effect.

Set goals! Set short term goals and long term goals. I also set minimums. I would breastfeed (or give it my best effort) until at least a year. My long term goal is 2 years. This helps you stayed focused, it helps you see an end, and it also helps keep you motivated!

Drink. Your. Water! Or gatorade. But keep hydrated! And make sure you get enough protein. Seriously. Don't skimp on this. It is so important to take care of you too! And this is how.

Never ever forget you are amazing!! And you know what, if there is an obstacle in your way, and you have to supplement with whatever...do not beat yourself up. I do it, and so I know other mamas do it too. You're doing the best you can, and that is enough.



~~

Multiples is new game, and it is HARD! But, having nursed two singletons I came in at least a little prepared. I don't have all the answers, but someone else has the answer I don't and I am not afraid to ask.

Thankfully, the babies are growing well, and it appears whatever I am doing is working. A whole lot of tears have gone into this, and I am sure many more will come. But, that's how you know the payoff will be great!