I have often been intrigued by the disdain society seems to have for large families.
I remember shopping at JCPenney, and the cashier asked me "Are they all yours?" Insert my internal eye roll, but outwardly I smiled sweetly and proudly exclaimed, "Yep!" You see, I learned quickly and early that if I am positive about my family people typically follow suit, but if I follow society's lead and react negatively...they will too. This was not the typical situation. The woman scowled a little and said, "I hope you're done and don't have anymore children."
Well, miss cashier, I would like to know when my choice to reproduce became your business. Clearly in the 2 minutes we had made acquaintance she could gather that I didn't need more children. But this was not a surprising reaction, this was not the first time I have had a complete stranger tell me that I shouldn't have more children. Honestly, this is probably one of the more mild comments I receive when we go out.
So, when a few months later two little pink lines popped up on my pregnancy test, my first emotion wasn't joy. I was terrified- terrified of society. Society has such a vendetta against big families, and ours was only getting bigger. What would people say? What would they think?
And most importantly, why did I care?
Here is why I care:
When you ask me if I am done having children, when you ask me if they're all mine, when you tell me "better you than me!", when you tell me "I would've killed myself"...my children hear you. And the older they get, the more understand. Why should I have to explain to my 6 year old why you are so upset we have so many children?
My children are a blessing. I have been given an abundance of blessings, and yes, some days are really hard. But on my hardest day I wouldn't change a thing. No, they don't get their own rooms. I am an adult and I don't get my own room, so my children can also learn the life lesson of sharing their space with another human being. My college was also not paid for by my parents, and I did not come from a large family...the size of our family shouldn't be dictated on how much we are paying for their college. Who says they all want to go to college? And the ones who choose to, well good thing they have scholarships and grants.
How we can afford our kids is no one's concern unless you're offering to pay our bills. In fact, a decision to have more children is no ones concern unless you're offering to pay our bills. My children are well cared for, well loved, and well disciplined.
So here is my plea, to strangers everywhere. I know you probably want to comment on my large family. Before you do, ask yourself a few questions. Is what you're going to say productive? Is what you're going to say kind? If the answer is no and you simply can't help but comment, please just tell me how beautiful my children are, or how blessed I am to have them.
And to the mama expecting her fourth, fifth, sixth baby...maybe more...don't be afraid to share your amazing news. Don't let strangers deter your happiness. Your baby is a blessing, and you deserve to be happy.
I remember shopping at JCPenney, and the cashier asked me "Are they all yours?" Insert my internal eye roll, but outwardly I smiled sweetly and proudly exclaimed, "Yep!" You see, I learned quickly and early that if I am positive about my family people typically follow suit, but if I follow society's lead and react negatively...they will too. This was not the typical situation. The woman scowled a little and said, "I hope you're done and don't have anymore children."
Well, miss cashier, I would like to know when my choice to reproduce became your business. Clearly in the 2 minutes we had made acquaintance she could gather that I didn't need more children. But this was not a surprising reaction, this was not the first time I have had a complete stranger tell me that I shouldn't have more children. Honestly, this is probably one of the more mild comments I receive when we go out.
So, when a few months later two little pink lines popped up on my pregnancy test, my first emotion wasn't joy. I was terrified- terrified of society. Society has such a vendetta against big families, and ours was only getting bigger. What would people say? What would they think?
And most importantly, why did I care?
Here is why I care:
My children are a blessing. I have been given an abundance of blessings, and yes, some days are really hard. But on my hardest day I wouldn't change a thing. No, they don't get their own rooms. I am an adult and I don't get my own room, so my children can also learn the life lesson of sharing their space with another human being. My college was also not paid for by my parents, and I did not come from a large family...the size of our family shouldn't be dictated on how much we are paying for their college. Who says they all want to go to college? And the ones who choose to, well good thing they have scholarships and grants.
How we can afford our kids is no one's concern unless you're offering to pay our bills. In fact, a decision to have more children is no ones concern unless you're offering to pay our bills. My children are well cared for, well loved, and well disciplined.
So here is my plea, to strangers everywhere. I know you probably want to comment on my large family. Before you do, ask yourself a few questions. Is what you're going to say productive? Is what you're going to say kind? If the answer is no and you simply can't help but comment, please just tell me how beautiful my children are, or how blessed I am to have them.
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