...but it doesn't make you less important. It's doesn't make you less of a mother. It doesn't mean anything, just that you probably don't understand unless you've been in my shoes.
This topic has been weighing on my heart heavily, and it has come to surface that this post needs to be made. I'm not the only one that feels like this, but this is something I don't think anyone else wants to put out there.
I am not trying to hurt feelings.
I am trying to spare my own.
I have had two singleton pregnancies. I always gaped at the moms who had multiples. They were like super women to me! My girls were EASY compared to the horror stories I heard. They breastfed like champs, they slept so amazingly well....but that doesn't mean we didn't have our bumps. Some nights I cried as my husband took our screaming baby from my arms. I hated asking for him help because I knew he had to work in the morning, but he would spend time walking her around because I couldn't do it anymore. When our oldest wouldn't nurse, I cried and cried as he made a bottle for her. I wanted to be super mom and do everything on my own. In those moments of weakness when my husband came to my rescue, I felt like I was useless.
Then I would see those moms toting their twins or triplets. Oh, I did not envy them. I could think of my hard nights and imagine trying to soothe two or three babies. One baby wakes up the rest and it's a never ending nightmare. I wanted to hug them.
Now, here I am. Last night, as my almost 1 year old screamed inconsolably, I too wanted to cry. Thinking of this threefold, I prayed God use this time before their arrival to turn me into that super mom I saw at the grocery store.
When I go and buy diapers, I cringe when I see the total and reluctantly hand over my debit card...then cringe even more when I think about triple that number to accommodate two more stinky little butts.
From the very second we found out we were having triplets, my life changed. It didn't take having them here for that. Your mind is attacked with so many things. And having walked in both shoes, I can tell you, this is a pregnancy like no other.
When my doctor told me we needed to be fully prepared by 24 weeks because at that point we would be on baby watch, I realized this was even more different than I thought. When you have just one, 24 weeks is a little past half way through your pregnancy. You're not even thinking about the arrival of your baby yet (well, you are, but not until further down the road!) But when your a triplet mommy, 24 weeks means viability. It means your babies have a chance of survival should they decide it is time to come.
It means that you have a higher chance of having a preemie baby with issues galore. I face this every. single. day.
What if I can't keep these babies in until they are healthy to come out? What if my babies are sick?
What if my babies don't make it?
If you're a loss mommy, these thoughts likely creep in your mind daily. But in the grand scheme of things, the chances are significantly less that past 12 weeks something bad will happen and that is what get's you through the thought and dreaming of that newborn baby you'll soon hold. I don't get that comfort, because as a triplet mommy you have to prepare yourself for babies who aren't healthy...not babies who are.
Every day is a gift, and the further along we get, every week is a step closer to healthy babies.
There are daily struggles when your hormones are multiplied times three. I was always in control of my thoughts and emotions when pregnant with my girls. Yes, I was a little over emotional at times. But when your hormones are so elevated I can fully attest that this time is much worse.
I normally take things to heart anyways. It's a product of my childhood thanks to my father's ex-wife. I am easily hurt, and don't let things go even when I know I should. But I cry over everything lately, and even simple things hurt me. Sometimes, I just want to curl into a ball and hide.
Pregnancy exhaustion takes new meaning when there are three.
Let's not even talk about nausea and vomiting.
Our pregnancies are alike in many many ways. But they are also very different in very many ways. It doesn't make me better, it doesn't mean I need (or want for that matter) more sympathy or attention. Trust me when I say, I am not out to steal your attention, and I don't want you to feel for a second you are less important. You're baby is just as important as mine are. But I go through daily struggles you likely don't (unless of course you have HG, then I feel for you and will happily hold your hair back because I really don't wish that on anyone). I have to prepare for things you don't. And yes, I have a huge blessing waiting for me at the end of this road, but the journey there is not an easy one, and I have had to give up a lot and face a lot to see the light at the end of this tunnel.
So please, let's not compare pregnancies. Let's not pretend to understand one another. Let's just marvel at the fact we are creating life, support each other when we are down, and praise each accomplishment. Some women never even get this chance, and we are blessed enough to be given the opportunity to bring a life into this world.
This topic has been weighing on my heart heavily, and it has come to surface that this post needs to be made. I'm not the only one that feels like this, but this is something I don't think anyone else wants to put out there.
I am not trying to hurt feelings.
I am trying to spare my own.
I have had two singleton pregnancies. I always gaped at the moms who had multiples. They were like super women to me! My girls were EASY compared to the horror stories I heard. They breastfed like champs, they slept so amazingly well....but that doesn't mean we didn't have our bumps. Some nights I cried as my husband took our screaming baby from my arms. I hated asking for him help because I knew he had to work in the morning, but he would spend time walking her around because I couldn't do it anymore. When our oldest wouldn't nurse, I cried and cried as he made a bottle for her. I wanted to be super mom and do everything on my own. In those moments of weakness when my husband came to my rescue, I felt like I was useless.
Then I would see those moms toting their twins or triplets. Oh, I did not envy them. I could think of my hard nights and imagine trying to soothe two or three babies. One baby wakes up the rest and it's a never ending nightmare. I wanted to hug them.
Now, here I am. Last night, as my almost 1 year old screamed inconsolably, I too wanted to cry. Thinking of this threefold, I prayed God use this time before their arrival to turn me into that super mom I saw at the grocery store.
When I go and buy diapers, I cringe when I see the total and reluctantly hand over my debit card...then cringe even more when I think about triple that number to accommodate two more stinky little butts.
From the very second we found out we were having triplets, my life changed. It didn't take having them here for that. Your mind is attacked with so many things. And having walked in both shoes, I can tell you, this is a pregnancy like no other.
When my doctor told me we needed to be fully prepared by 24 weeks because at that point we would be on baby watch, I realized this was even more different than I thought. When you have just one, 24 weeks is a little past half way through your pregnancy. You're not even thinking about the arrival of your baby yet (well, you are, but not until further down the road!) But when your a triplet mommy, 24 weeks means viability. It means your babies have a chance of survival should they decide it is time to come.
It means that you have a higher chance of having a preemie baby with issues galore. I face this every. single. day.
What if I can't keep these babies in until they are healthy to come out? What if my babies are sick?
What if my babies don't make it?
If you're a loss mommy, these thoughts likely creep in your mind daily. But in the grand scheme of things, the chances are significantly less that past 12 weeks something bad will happen and that is what get's you through the thought and dreaming of that newborn baby you'll soon hold. I don't get that comfort, because as a triplet mommy you have to prepare yourself for babies who aren't healthy...not babies who are.
Every day is a gift, and the further along we get, every week is a step closer to healthy babies.
There are daily struggles when your hormones are multiplied times three. I was always in control of my thoughts and emotions when pregnant with my girls. Yes, I was a little over emotional at times. But when your hormones are so elevated I can fully attest that this time is much worse.
I normally take things to heart anyways. It's a product of my childhood thanks to my father's ex-wife. I am easily hurt, and don't let things go even when I know I should. But I cry over everything lately, and even simple things hurt me. Sometimes, I just want to curl into a ball and hide.
Pregnancy exhaustion takes new meaning when there are three.
Let's not even talk about nausea and vomiting.
Our pregnancies are alike in many many ways. But they are also very different in very many ways. It doesn't make me better, it doesn't mean I need (or want for that matter) more sympathy or attention. Trust me when I say, I am not out to steal your attention, and I don't want you to feel for a second you are less important. You're baby is just as important as mine are. But I go through daily struggles you likely don't (unless of course you have HG, then I feel for you and will happily hold your hair back because I really don't wish that on anyone). I have to prepare for things you don't. And yes, I have a huge blessing waiting for me at the end of this road, but the journey there is not an easy one, and I have had to give up a lot and face a lot to see the light at the end of this tunnel.
So please, let's not compare pregnancies. Let's not pretend to understand one another. Let's just marvel at the fact we are creating life, support each other when we are down, and praise each accomplishment. Some women never even get this chance, and we are blessed enough to be given the opportunity to bring a life into this world.
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