When I was pregnant, I remember my husband telling me that another triplet dad said something like 60% of marriages with triplets+ end in divorce. I laughed a little and told him it couldn't be that bad, and that had to be a false percent.
Then we had the babies.
One night while all three cried and screamed while I got bottles ready as quickly as I could, he said to me, "I see why those marriages ended in divorce. The dad probably just wanted a little sleep away from all those kids." Half asleep, I smiled a little but I really just wanted to trip him as he walked away. I'm glad my husband has a sense of humor, and that in my more clear state of mind I can't help but laugh at that comment. We were still in the hospital, and I think looking back that makes it even a little more entertaining because he really could just go home and sleep in our own bed with no crying babies.
The reason our marriage won't end in divorce is because he didn't. Except when he went back to work and I told him he needed to rest and to go home and sleep, the nurses and I could handle it.
My husband doesn't like babies. He just doesn't. Our 3 year old- he does great. He is calm and patient with her, and when I lose my cool he brings me to earth and tells me to calm down. He enjoys doing things for and with her, and her tantrums don't phase him the way they stress me out. When it comes to the babies, he and I switch places.
The other night, two of the babies couldn't be consoled. It didn't matter what we did. Fed them, held them, gave them a pacifier. They just were not having it. I was frustrated with them which I am sure didn't help, and I was frustrated with him. I can only do so much, and he was a mixture of trying to sleep and asking me did I want him to do something.
Mamas, remember that men are NOT programed in the same way women are.
I screamed in my head, "I shouldn't have to ask you to help me!! We have 5 kids, grab a baby and do something! This isn't your first time at the rodeo!" but instead, I sharply said "No, I have it."
Did I have it? No. But I was really too proud to admit that at the time. This was the night I caved and gave them bottles. In the middle of making said bottles, he came down, and told me he would finish those, he couldn't handle the noise upstairs. So I trotted up and let him finish, and we sat and fed the babies (who by the way still weren't very happy). He kept saying, "I don't know how you do this. I don't know how you do this."
I smiled. And it clicked. He was more overwhelmed than I was, because babies are not his thing. So of course he isn't going to do what I want him to do unless I ask him to do it. BUT, want to know the greatest thing about my husband?
When I ask him to do it, he does. He just needs asked.
Which says a lot about our understanding in marriage, and how we cope with the stresses of multiple children. I often feel bad asking for help, even from my husband. But the fact is I can't do it all, all the time. I am human and I am not super-woman. My husband helps where he can, when he can. He loads the babies in the car, does the older girls bedtime routine so I can focus on the babies.
We work well together because his strengths are my weakness and my strengths are his weakness. And the more I realize that I have to understand him, and not just expect him to read my mind, the better we can cope together on this crazy ride. Is our marriage perfect? No, no marriage is perfect. That would be pretty boring. Our marriage is a learning experience, and it doesn't matter how long you've known someone or have been married to them...you will always learn new things about them and how to improve your marriage.
So, I know some of the new moms out there (singles, twins, whatever!) are probably frustrated with their husbands. My advice is to try and remember this is new for them too. People cope and handle things differently. The joy of marriage is learning your spouses coping measures and mesh them with your own. Find ways to compromise, find ways to embrace them. Remember the positives and let go of the negatives.
And always, always remember to say 'I love you".
Then we had the babies.
One night while all three cried and screamed while I got bottles ready as quickly as I could, he said to me, "I see why those marriages ended in divorce. The dad probably just wanted a little sleep away from all those kids." Half asleep, I smiled a little but I really just wanted to trip him as he walked away. I'm glad my husband has a sense of humor, and that in my more clear state of mind I can't help but laugh at that comment. We were still in the hospital, and I think looking back that makes it even a little more entertaining because he really could just go home and sleep in our own bed with no crying babies.
The reason our marriage won't end in divorce is because he didn't. Except when he went back to work and I told him he needed to rest and to go home and sleep, the nurses and I could handle it.
My husband doesn't like babies. He just doesn't. Our 3 year old- he does great. He is calm and patient with her, and when I lose my cool he brings me to earth and tells me to calm down. He enjoys doing things for and with her, and her tantrums don't phase him the way they stress me out. When it comes to the babies, he and I switch places.
The other night, two of the babies couldn't be consoled. It didn't matter what we did. Fed them, held them, gave them a pacifier. They just were not having it. I was frustrated with them which I am sure didn't help, and I was frustrated with him. I can only do so much, and he was a mixture of trying to sleep and asking me did I want him to do something.
Mamas, remember that men are NOT programed in the same way women are.
I screamed in my head, "I shouldn't have to ask you to help me!! We have 5 kids, grab a baby and do something! This isn't your first time at the rodeo!" but instead, I sharply said "No, I have it."
Did I have it? No. But I was really too proud to admit that at the time. This was the night I caved and gave them bottles. In the middle of making said bottles, he came down, and told me he would finish those, he couldn't handle the noise upstairs. So I trotted up and let him finish, and we sat and fed the babies (who by the way still weren't very happy). He kept saying, "I don't know how you do this. I don't know how you do this."
I smiled. And it clicked. He was more overwhelmed than I was, because babies are not his thing. So of course he isn't going to do what I want him to do unless I ask him to do it. BUT, want to know the greatest thing about my husband?
When I ask him to do it, he does. He just needs asked.
Which says a lot about our understanding in marriage, and how we cope with the stresses of multiple children. I often feel bad asking for help, even from my husband. But the fact is I can't do it all, all the time. I am human and I am not super-woman. My husband helps where he can, when he can. He loads the babies in the car, does the older girls bedtime routine so I can focus on the babies.
We work well together because his strengths are my weakness and my strengths are his weakness. And the more I realize that I have to understand him, and not just expect him to read my mind, the better we can cope together on this crazy ride. Is our marriage perfect? No, no marriage is perfect. That would be pretty boring. Our marriage is a learning experience, and it doesn't matter how long you've known someone or have been married to them...you will always learn new things about them and how to improve your marriage.
So, I know some of the new moms out there (singles, twins, whatever!) are probably frustrated with their husbands. My advice is to try and remember this is new for them too. People cope and handle things differently. The joy of marriage is learning your spouses coping measures and mesh them with your own. Find ways to compromise, find ways to embrace them. Remember the positives and let go of the negatives.
And always, always remember to say 'I love you".
I love this! It is all so true!
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