Coping with Multiples

The first few weeks of having the triplets home, I was often asked 'How are you doing?'

I am pretty sure everyone expected me to be on the verge of an emotional breakdown, and start crying in front of them and explain how overwhelmed and tired I was.

Was I tired? Yes. Was I overwhelmed? Yes. Was I on the verge of an emotional breakdown? No.

I just smiled, told them we were doing great and I was managing just fine. I had this whole triplet mom thing down.

Deep down, I wanted to tell them that God picked the wrong person to have triplets. I was tired and irritable. Yet despite my shortcomings, I was so convinced I had it all down. In fact, I thought it would be a good idea to open up some mini sessions for my photography. Realistically, I didn't have time in my day to shower or linger in the restroom, let alone tackle something else aside from my 5 children.

But I'm super woman right?

Let me tell you about having three newborn babies. At first, when you bring your preemies home from the hospital, they are sleepy and easy to handle. Yes they wake up to eat a million times, but they sleep well between feeds. And then they hit their due date. That is when all hell breaks loose.

They cry. A lot. And they are needy, and they want help, and they don't want to eat and be set down. They want to eat and then doze off a bit, then wake up and eat some more, and repeat. A lot. By the time you feed and change them all it feels like it is time to do it again...and I had 2 other children. There just flat out were not enough hours in the day. And because you're new at this, you don't have a clue what you're doing or how to do it.

But I wasn't new!! I kept telling myself I was an experienced mom. I had two kids already. Why was I struggling so much? And then it happened.

The way to cope with having multiples is to do your best.

And if you have one child, you have NO idea what it is like to have three. It's a different game entirely. It's like trying to play Life by the rules of Checkers. Doesn't work!  So give it up and accept this is a new learning curve, and you're going to have to adapt and learn.

The big thing most people get frustrated with is crying. It leads to shaken baby and all sorts of other bad things. I can see how this would easily push a mom into PPD or something unthinkable. But as a mom with three newborns, you have to realize that they are going to cry.

I am avidly against crying it out. So crying was a big thing for me. But the difference between crying it out and not is can't and won't. When I am feeding two babies and one is crying next to me because they don't want to wait....it isn't that I *won't* pick up my baby and comforter them. It's that I *can't*. As desperately as I want to, I just can't. It breaks my heart when any of them have to cry. And I certainly do my best to comfort each one. Sometimes that means a baby on my chest while the other two eat. Sometimes that isn't possible because of positioning. All I can do it sit back and feed my two babies and know once they are done, that one crying is going to get some one on one time, and we will both bask in it. I don't stress out, I don't panic. I just try to offer a binky, talk, and feed my babies.

By stressing out I do no good, only harm. I stress myself out, which puts stress hormones into my milk which then goes to my babies.

In the car, sometimes I can't reach a crying baby. So I put on a lullaby and keep driving to get to my destination promptly so I can comfort my baby.

And sometimes, I leave my crying babies to use the restroom. GASP! Because as important as it is to meet their needs, it is also important to meet my needs. How can I be an effective parent to my children if I don't take care of myself? This was a harder lesson to learn than it should have been. But when you go weeks letting yourself go, not eating, etc...it will catch up to you and it will be bad. So do yourself (and your precious babies) a favor and take care of yourself from the beginning,

If eating means having protein bars close by while you feed your babies, do it. Keep water and some snack close for when you need it. If you let your babies cry for a minute to use the restroom, I promise they will be alright.

Lastly, on crying...remember this and remember it well. Your baby is not crying to drive you mad. Your baby is crying because it has a need, and it can not communicate with you in any other way. You will find the need and fulfill it, I assure you. So don't get angry at your baby because it can't go make a cheeseburger when it is hungry, or that it can't change it's own diaper. Take a deep breathe, and say "Okay, you're crying. Are you hungry? Is your diaper wet? Does your belly have gas?" and go down the list. Feed, change, burp, and cuddle your baby. And your babies. 

Now at 9 weeks, we have a pretty good system in place. It takes me roughly an hour to feed and change all three babies. Sometimes more sometimes less. I keep Gatorade by the bed at night, and a protein bar as well. Having my system down helps tremendously. I try to practice by the guide of attachment parenting, and we have adapted what works for us. Many people told me I needed a strict schedule, but that isn't who we are. We are flexible, we do try new ways to do things, and we don't let things stress us out.

I do admit sometimes I want to cry, because I am tired and the babies are crying and all I want to do is sleep. But I don't often let it get the best of me, and that keeps me sane.

Some smaller points...

Accept help when it is offered. If someone offers to bring you a meal, you accept it. If someone offers to watch the kids so you can shower, give them a time and enjoy that shower! Don't be too proud to accept help.

If you can, get out of the house. Accept that help and leave the house for even an hour. Because our trio were born later, we are often out and about and doing things. Sometimes it is irritating the comments and stares that we get, but I know my mental health would quickly deteriorate if I felt trapped at home. It is worth the work to load and unload, even if you just go to Walmart. Just don't let people touch your babies or get in their face and you're good to go.

TRY to remember that your housework isn't going anywhere, and if you don't finish folding the laundry today the world will not end. Yes I have piles of clean laundry on my dresser, but quite frankly at the end of the day I am too tired to return to it. I go on a cleaning tangent once in a while and put it all away so that way I can add more and start all over. ;) It's hard to deal with clutter but if you stress about the housework you'll get absolutely no where. And really, you didn't want to do it anyway.

I could probably go on and on, but I think it is really important for moms to enter this journey not afraid. We all to often see people complain about having multiples. Yes it is hard and daunting at times. But you don't have to be on the verge of a breakdown just because you have multiples. There are ways to cope, and it is all in your mind set. So just remember to take a deep breathe, you have support all around you. You don't have to be perfect, just do the best you can. Hopefully my pointers with how I have coped will help someone else.